Friday, May 29, 2009

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Why Am I Hotter than All? Jessica Biel Bravely Shares Her Plight

While most people are embattled in horrific situations stemming from the recession, skyrockteing unemployment, foreclosure, swine flu, wildfires and even the casualties of war, one brave actress is speaking out, courageously sharing her personal pain for the betterment of others. No, I’m not referring to Farrah Fawcett’s sobering cancer documentary. Or even Brooke Shields’ struggle with thinning eyelashes (Thank God for Latisse!). It’s none other than the extremely healthy Jessica Biel. In the June issue of “Allure,” she details her frustration and pain about the tribulations of…hotness. Yes, you read that correctly. But it doesn’t end there, Ms. Biel if you’re nasty, thinks that her white-hot beauty hinders her career. Please grab your Kleenex (read: barf bag) and read on if you can:

Jessica Biel says her good looks are hurting her career.
"Yeah, it really is a problem."
The actress -- whose latest film, Powder Blue, (in which she plays a stripper) is going to straight to DVD -- isn't handed plum roles.
"I'm in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference -- but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No."
Biel, 27, covets the careers of Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman.
"I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me!" she says. "But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"

If you aren’t emotional over that then you are DEAD INSIDE!

In all honesty, celebrities should understand that with half of the country in foreclosure, no one wants to hear about the difficulties of making millions of dollars. With CEOs working entry-level jobs to just make ends meet, the reading public and even the CASTING public doesn’t want to know how one’s perceived hotness is a detriment to one’s career, especially when it is a major job requirement. I guarantee the viewing public would not pay $10 per ticket to see Ron, the IT Supervisor, make whoopie with the Edna, a Wal-Mart salescleark, on a 20 foot screen.

Biel is not a terrible actress, but up until now, she has gleefully cashed in her wiles in the heinous action movie (co-starring Nic Cage) “Next,” the terrible “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” and unforgivable fighter pilot crapfest, “Stealth.” If you depend on your looks for a paycheck—even if you’re paying your dues— you shouldn’t you be upset when Sorsese isn’t calling.

My mama taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I’ll leave my faithful readers to debate Biel’s hotness or lackthereof. But countless other exquisite actresses have struggled to garner critical cred and have managed to do so by, yes, paying their dues, but working tirelessly to cultivate their talents by taking risks. For example, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon wrote “Good Will Hunting” to create starring roles for themselves and their friends—and won an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. Charlize Theron, the South African stunner and former model, has her very own Oscar for her fantastic and chilling turn in “Monster.” The lovely Halle Berry became the first black woman to win the Best Actress Oscar in 2002. Now that is a career obstacle to complain about. She also has two Emmys for her work in “Introducing Dorothy Dandridge.”

I cannot sit here and condone Jessica’s use of a national magazine to complain about a seemingly trivial problem nor can I walk a mile in her Jimmy Choos. As I go to a job I don’t remotely like, I wish I could! I also wish that the beleaguered Ms. Biel will step away from the mirror, count her blessings, and work on her craft and maybe, just maybe, Sorsese will finally call.

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