Embrace the D-List, Bitches!

Months after the writer’s strike, it is still making ripples in my life, which is obviously consumed by pop cult entertainment. “Grey’s Anatomy” finally rediscovers the fabulousness that made it the show to watch during the strike-induced hiatus just in time for the season finale. I also miss first season shows that just discovered their dynamic and identity, like NBC’s “Life” and ABC’s “Dirty Sexy Money.” And I know what you’re saying, there’s always the promising new crop of summer shows, (“The Closer” and “Burn Notice”), right? Well, I’m still bitter about USA’s premature cancellation of “The 4400” and the aforementioned shows don’t start until July. So I’m facing a sweltering stretch of humid Midwestern summer, and I see nothing long, slow, hot ride to September. (Unless there’s another strike.)

But, there is a bright, rainbow just beyond the horizon! It is the wonderful, fantastic, guilty pleasure, the-so-wrong-it’s-right, and Emmy-winning, “My Life on the D-List” starring everyone’s favorite comic, Kathy Griffin! The June 12th premiere of this fab reality show soothed the slow-healing bruise left by the fucking writer’s strike.

If you’re not familiar with her (SHAME ON YOU!), Kathy Griffin is an extremely hardworking, hilarious comedian, who’s schtick is sharing real-life stories about celebrities, and because of this, she claims to have been banned from pretty much every major daytime and nighttime talk show. Her reality show catalogs her fight for publicity, awards and general media mayhem! Already in its fourth season, Kathy’s back with her shiny new Emmy that was received of course with controversy. And we know that celebs have given her plenty of material lately with the trainwrecks of Britney and Amy Winehouse; and the fertility situations with the younger Spears, Nicole Richie and even Ashlee Simpson.

Kathy Griffin is like the crazy aunt you always wanted. She’ll say anything and everything that comes to mind, and 74% of the time, it’s exactly what you were thinking or blogging. I also love that she takes her career seriously enough to protect her assets with a money manager and a gaggle of lawyers; but she’s willing to strip down to her bra or badmouth Oprah at an awards show filled with The Big O’s friends to get that priceless laugh. KG loves what she does, does it well, and works harder than those bitches on “The OC-Laguna-Hills-Gossip-Girl” combined. She might be rude and sometimes off-putting and on 24/7, but she’s a flipping hoot. And I’d move to Cali right now if I had the chance to work with her. Even with the heat and shit!
Now that this has turned into a love letter to Kathy Griffin, I’m going to end this meandering blog with a shameless plug: Watch “My Life on the D-List” on Bravo every Thursday at 10 EST.

Katherine Heigl Needs to be "Knocked" Down a Peg

Katherine Heigl has made me look like an ass; and I hate looking like an ass. In the past two years, Heigl has earned reputation for being a bit of an arrogant bitch. But I always defended her, time and time again, because she was a gorgeous, fearless actor who was finally getting the break she deserved in “Grey’s Anatomy”—my favorite show on television (Sorry, “Supernatural”).

I applauded her for standing firm on contract negotiations when she and several of her co-stars weren’t be paid as much as the usually annoying Ellen Pompeo and the ducky Patrick Dempsey ($150,000+ an episode? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!)

I thought she was being a good friend when she brazenly spoke her mind about Isaiah Washington’s shenanigans at the Golden Globes.

I thought she was wonderfully charming when she accepted her Emmy last year.

I thought she was terrific in “27 Dresses.”

I thought she was misquoted when she said that “Knocked Up” was a bit sexist, even though, she made these comments to a magazine about the movie that launched her into an entirely different echelon of fame.

Then she released this statement: "I am truly grateful for the honor that the Academy bestowed upon me last year. I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the Academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

To borrow from those soft-core “Gossip Girl” ads, WTF? Not only is this a great disrespect to the writers of “Grey’s”—who wrote that gut-wrenchingly emotional storyline, created the character Denny Douquette, and basically helped her get that Emmy. But she is assuming that her work would even be nominated this year, when “Grey’s” was off its game and jumping dozens of sharks. (Callie as a lesbian?!)

It is no secret that Heigl wants off “Grey’s” to focus on her film career, nor is it a secret that the writing has severely lacked in the past year. While I admit that the writers turned her character into a raving lunatic who actually used her surgical skill to save a deer’s life, the statement was a proverbial slap to the face of the show that launched her career. I love Heigl’s talent, and I can even understand that she’s frustrated with the quality of the show (that seems to be finding its way back to bright and shiny by this season’s end), but without “Grey’s” she wouldn’t have had a film career to focus on, or a shiny Emmy sitting above her fireplace. And will someone please tell her that “27 Dresses” wasn’t that great?

To the commonfolk of America, who can’t throw a temper tantrum when their dream jobs go awry and are worried about their (crappy) job security and how they will afford gas this week, she is coming off more like a spoiled brat who didn’t get her way, and not a talented actress who wants to do the honorable, respectful thing.

Award Show Conspiracy

Since I’m no longer Queen Excel, I’ve been feeling quite naked without my crown of…spreadsheet cells and needless data. I’ve decided that I am the new Queen of Bitter, Queen B if you will. Like my new crown of broken dreams and crushed hope? As newly reigned Queen, I’ve decided that I hate awards shows. After the debacle that was the VMAs (and the subsequent controversy afterwards) and now the Tony Bennett-and-Sopranos Lovefest-slash-Randomest Winners Ever Awards Show aka The Emmys.

I’ve decided that awards shows are televised purely to make the viewing public feel like absolute shit about their own lives. I mean what exactly IS a show designed to honor already beautiful and rich people who get to do what they love everyday and live fabulous lives exactly supposed to do? Make us feel all warm and fuzzy? Inspire us to follow our dreams? No! They want you to feel depressed that you are Queen Excel or that you got your first rejection letter from a literary agency on the same day you blew the opportunity for a fantastic writing job. They want you to feel low and useless so you’ll all the more willing to retreat into a world of imagination and creativity, passion and drama, i.e, television? See how that works? It’s a strategy conjured up by advertisers and network executives!

The Emmys itself was boring, save for a few moments: I enjoyed Katherine HIGH-GUL’s win and her speech. She looked fabulous. America Ferrera always makes me cry when she wins awards. And I was thrilled for her! Mom-to-be Christina Aguilera’s performance was the only treat of the show. She looked adorable and sounded like an angel…as usual.

On the dark side, T.R. Knight was robbed. I feel like he’s the Djimon Honsou of the Emmys. He’s a fantastic comedic actor with dramatic chops you never saw coming. I’d assumed he’d be yet another victim of the “Sopranos” Mob, but he was bested by some random guy from “Lost” with a sparkly tie and pink shirt. OUCH! Vanessa Williams was also robbed by trailer trash! Jaime Pressley is funny and all, but she’s already southern, so technically, it’s not that much of a stretch now is it?

Finally, can the Emmys or any other important awards show refrain for being on FOX? They censored SALLY FIELD (totally rooting for Kyra Sedgwick, but whatcha gonna do?). I mean, seriously, what type of network censors people’s acceptance speeches? (According to EW.com, Field said “And let’s face it, if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn wars in the first place…” That’s it!) A cowardly one. I thought FOX was supposed to be edgy and racy. First, they want to make “Dick in the Box” family-friendly (read UNFUNNY) and now any anti-war sentiments aren’t allowed. Fuck edgy and racy, try oppressive and old. Fuck FOX. That’s right FCC, I said FUCK!

In summation, award shows are just a conspiracy to make us feel like shit. And I fall for it every year.