"Real World" goes Hollywood

MTV, the cable channel who spawned reality television, reached a milestone this week: the premiere of the 20th season of the “Real World”. You know, the show where seven strangers are picked to live in a house, work together, and find out “what happens when people stop being nice and start being real.” And yes, I typed that from memory! I’ve been watching since “Seattle,” fools (except for that disastrous “Real World Sydney” season. I missed every episode of that trainwreck).

Capitalizing on our celebrity-obsessed culture, MTV set this season in Hollywood, the epicenter of the glitterati, and filled the tackiest house yet with seven strangers who all want to be famous. Capitalizing on the internet voters who a say in casting, MTV viewers voted one member into house.

Let’s meet the actors…I mean, castmates:

*Brianna. The Girl With A Past. With her straw-colored hair and stripper status, she’s trying to make it in Hollywood as a singer and leave stripperdom behind. She also has a warrant out for her arrest in her hometown of Philly for allegedly hitting her asshole ex-boyfriend. You go, girl!

*Will. The Player. He aspires to be a music producer…the Brianna’s Diddy. He is from Detroit and has a severe phobia of strippers. Oh, and he’s one of the cutest guys to step food in a “RW” house since Danny from “New Orleans.” Me likey!

*Sarah. The Committed Overachiever. At just 20, she’s a graduate of Arizona State University, and aspires to be a broadcast journalist. She has a boyfriend—a sweet, non-threatening guy with glasses who appeared in her casting tape. Countdown to her drunk-boinking one of the roommates and/or dumping her BF over the phone!

*Kimberly. The Redneck. She’s from the south, y’all! And she wants to be an E! Reporter. She’s also obsessed with LiLo! And homegirl has an accent thicker than Paula Deen’s, which will hinder any chance of her achieving her dreams of being the female Seacrest! Her ignorance will do that too. Apparently, she thinks Will is too nice and cute to be from Detroit, which is a big “inner city.” K out!

*Dave. The Jock. He’s good at everything sports related. He doesn’t know what he wants to be, maybe an actor! He’s boring, unless he turns out to be the Token Gay.

*Joey. The Hot Head. He uses too much gel and has a rockin’ bod. But don’t call him a weirdo or he’ll straight up lose it! He seems like a sweet guy with a terrible past…and Chicago accent. Hopefully, he can work through his issues ON CAMERA! And he’s claims, he’s “not some pretty white boy.” Um, sorry, hun, you are!

*Greg. The Chosen One. He is an epic asshole, who calls women “associates” and regular people “peasants.” He has a hatred of lines and pretty much everything else that doesn’t have him being the center of attention. He will provide loads of drama. Oh and he’s GORGEOUS! Thanks, Internet voters!


The Ten Things I Loved About Episode 1.

1. Will wiping himself down to get rid of the dreaded Stripper Cooties after he found out Brianna was a stripper.
2. Sarah being angry that Dave doesn’t think her relationship is serious…and then her flirting insanely with Will five minutes after entering the house.
3. Kim’s accent. I can’t barely understand her ig’nant comments! So that’s what southern accents are for! (*ducks flying objects**)
4. Obligatory naked swimming!
5. Joey’s aerodynamic hair. It’s shellacked to the point of being indestructible!
6. Joey telling Brianna that the bad people in her life are poison, and telling her she needs to get Asshole Ex out of her life. He really seems like a sweetheart.
7. Greg calling his roommate “peasants.” He’s hip to the American Caste System!
8. The collection of Warhol-esque celeb mugshots on the walls of the ugliest RW house ever! Dave made sure he pointed out LiLo’s for Kim!
9. Greg proclaimed he won’t speak to the other members in the house because they don’t like him. On the first DAY. LMFAO!
10. The preview for next week’s episode, where Kim tells Brianna not to “get ghetto!” I hope someone not in the house just runs up and cold-clocks her for that!

This season looks like it’ll be more drunken insanity and mindless stupidity, and I’m stoked! I haven’t been this excited about a new season of “RW” since “RW: Paris!”