Real World Hollywood: “Let’s Not Get Ghetto!”

The second episode of “RW: Hollywood” is upon us, and I was surprisingly excited about it! Even at work! Yes, I, the former Queen of Excel, am finally (almost) gainfully employed. I’m an Administrative Assistant at a marketing company here in the lovely Bumblefuck, Midwest. But I digress. The reason I was so eager to see the new season of the “RW” is because last week’s previews promised us they much-hyped “Let’s not get ghetto!” debacle, and because this cast actually seems better than casts for the last five years.

Admittedly, I thought that putting seven fame-whores in the Hollywood house was too sensational and obvious even for the show that created the reality star. But I was wrong, because not only are the castmates driven and determined to make some connections while they’re in LA, they seem even more determined to avoid the all too old reality show traps of drunken hookups, bar fights and lame arrests. Which I love. I’m all for the drunken spectacles and as this episode has proven, drama will be had, but hopefully it won’t be derived from petty arguments and drunken hookups. They do smart things that I wished other seasons would do: Dave made sure Sarah was sleeping on her side after her 21st birthday celebration when she was seriously wasted. Joey was actually cleaning up the house! I really hope they don’t let it get so nasty. It’s already ugly as sin. The girls busting on Dave for giving out their address to skanky LA chicks who wanted to be on camera. Yay for judgment and using the brain above your waistline!

My Favorite Moments of Ep. 2:

1. Sarah told her boyfriend that Ryan had a crush on her. Actually it was the sheer effort on Sarah’s part not to smile and pretend to be all embarrassed and confused about it. She loves the attention. Who wouldn’t?
   


2. Brianna’s confession that she thinks Will, who all but called her a dirty stripper mere days earlier, would do anything for her, so she agrees to help Will hook up with Sarah. What ever happened to Bros before Hos, Bri?
   


3. Greg actually tried to get along with other people in the house. The buzz around the ‘net was that Greg was either being an asshole for the cameras or secretly autistic. It looks like it all points to him being an asshole, and there’s a cure for that!
   


4. The girls being shocked and chagrined when the guys ditched them for the girls flashing their boobs. Um, they’re guys and it’s random boobage! I’d be curious to meet some peroxide-happy girl flashing her fake tits at me. And judging by how fast Dave flew over to those boobs, it’s pretty clear that he’s not gay. So he’s just Dave the Boring Jock. Boo!
   


5. This quote—“…things like that just help me to realize that Sarah’s definitely going to cheat on her boyfriend, so I definitely have hope”—is a soundbyte dipped in GOLD. It literally made me laugh out loud. The countdown is so on!
   


6. Sarah and Kim ganged up on Bri because of their narrow-minded opinions on stripping. Deep down, I think they have her best interest at heart, but it’s clear that they are incredibly sheltered and may not understand that some people don’t have a choice. While I don’t think stripping is the most respectable or safest profession, I do think that it is a job. With that being said, Bri stating that she doesn’t care if Joey respects her makes me sad. She seems to define herself as being a stripper and she’s definitely much more than that.
   


7. Not two minutes later, Kim approached Bri angry and cursing because Bri was mad that her friends can’t come into the house. And when Bri tries to defend herself she launches into the entire “Let’s not get ghetto!” tirade, which was imbued with much more racism, bigotry and prejudice than I thought it would be, and wasn’t remotely enjoyable to watch (“Let’s not get ghetto! Let’s not get ghetto, let’s just be…normal.” And later to Sarah, “I mean pull your skirt down and stop being a hooker. Are you going to get mad at that, get back on your fuckin’ pole, bitch…I mean, I love her…but I don’t care if you’re from the most inner city Blackville, I’m not going to tolerate that.) She wants Bri to respect herself, but the moment Bri vocalizes a problem, she uses her stripper-status as an insult. I don’t care how fucking sheltered you are, you don’t use the word “ghetto” like that ever. Especially when you’re the one screaming at the top of your lungs and flicking people off. Kim came off looking like the ig’nant racist redneck hillbilly bitch and no one bothered to explain to her why. Greg forced them to make up and how Bri could touch Kim in a non-violent way after that mess, I have no idea. She has more restraint than me.
   


8. Joey arm-wrestled Random Guy, and lost. With those giant biceps. His upper arms are as big as my head, so how did he lose? Was he juicing? And he did look like a very over-gelled version of The Hulk.
   


9. Dave defended Joey’s alarming behavior as “having fun and being a kid” and dismissed Joey’s desire to not drink in the house. I’ve loathed this rationalization of dangerous behavior for years, and about 64% of those fools have DUIs or seriously hurt themselves while having fun and being a kid!
   


10. Joey did a cleansing face mask with the stripper-hating girls! It was a cute moment that reminded me of an episode of “Friends.”
    

Up next week: Joey’s purported breakdown! On the previews, it looks like a really bad actor going for the drama scene in his acting class, but I am not judging based on that ten-second clip!

"Real World" goes Hollywood

MTV, the cable channel who spawned reality television, reached a milestone this week: the premiere of the 20th season of the “Real World”. You know, the show where seven strangers are picked to live in a house, work together, and find out “what happens when people stop being nice and start being real.” And yes, I typed that from memory! I’ve been watching since “Seattle,” fools (except for that disastrous “Real World Sydney” season. I missed every episode of that trainwreck).

Capitalizing on our celebrity-obsessed culture, MTV set this season in Hollywood, the epicenter of the glitterati, and filled the tackiest house yet with seven strangers who all want to be famous. Capitalizing on the internet voters who a say in casting, MTV viewers voted one member into house.

Let’s meet the actors…I mean, castmates:

*Brianna. The Girl With A Past. With her straw-colored hair and stripper status, she’s trying to make it in Hollywood as a singer and leave stripperdom behind. She also has a warrant out for her arrest in her hometown of Philly for allegedly hitting her asshole ex-boyfriend. You go, girl!

*Will. The Player. He aspires to be a music producer…the Brianna’s Diddy. He is from Detroit and has a severe phobia of strippers. Oh, and he’s one of the cutest guys to step food in a “RW” house since Danny from “New Orleans.” Me likey!

*Sarah. The Committed Overachiever. At just 20, she’s a graduate of Arizona State University, and aspires to be a broadcast journalist. She has a boyfriend—a sweet, non-threatening guy with glasses who appeared in her casting tape. Countdown to her drunk-boinking one of the roommates and/or dumping her BF over the phone!

*Kimberly. The Redneck. She’s from the south, y’all! And she wants to be an E! Reporter. She’s also obsessed with LiLo! And homegirl has an accent thicker than Paula Deen’s, which will hinder any chance of her achieving her dreams of being the female Seacrest! Her ignorance will do that too. Apparently, she thinks Will is too nice and cute to be from Detroit, which is a big “inner city.” K out!

*Dave. The Jock. He’s good at everything sports related. He doesn’t know what he wants to be, maybe an actor! He’s boring, unless he turns out to be the Token Gay.

*Joey. The Hot Head. He uses too much gel and has a rockin’ bod. But don’t call him a weirdo or he’ll straight up lose it! He seems like a sweet guy with a terrible past…and Chicago accent. Hopefully, he can work through his issues ON CAMERA! And he’s claims, he’s “not some pretty white boy.” Um, sorry, hun, you are!

*Greg. The Chosen One. He is an epic asshole, who calls women “associates” and regular people “peasants.” He has a hatred of lines and pretty much everything else that doesn’t have him being the center of attention. He will provide loads of drama. Oh and he’s GORGEOUS! Thanks, Internet voters!


The Ten Things I Loved About Episode 1.

1. Will wiping himself down to get rid of the dreaded Stripper Cooties after he found out Brianna was a stripper.
2. Sarah being angry that Dave doesn’t think her relationship is serious…and then her flirting insanely with Will five minutes after entering the house.
3. Kim’s accent. I can’t barely understand her ig’nant comments! So that’s what southern accents are for! (*ducks flying objects**)
4. Obligatory naked swimming!
5. Joey’s aerodynamic hair. It’s shellacked to the point of being indestructible!
6. Joey telling Brianna that the bad people in her life are poison, and telling her she needs to get Asshole Ex out of her life. He really seems like a sweetheart.
7. Greg calling his roommate “peasants.” He’s hip to the American Caste System!
8. The collection of Warhol-esque celeb mugshots on the walls of the ugliest RW house ever! Dave made sure he pointed out LiLo’s for Kim!
9. Greg proclaimed he won’t speak to the other members in the house because they don’t like him. On the first DAY. LMFAO!
10. The preview for next week’s episode, where Kim tells Brianna not to “get ghetto!” I hope someone not in the house just runs up and cold-clocks her for that!

This season looks like it’ll be more drunken insanity and mindless stupidity, and I’m stoked! I haven’t been this excited about a new season of “RW” since “RW: Paris!”

Don't "Gimme More"

You know your awards show is having major problems when you have coax major acts there by nominating them AND letting them party and drink during the show. That’s right folks. If the very celebrities nominated for the MTV's Video Music Awards don’t want to be there, why should I watch? Because the new “edgy” remake-slash-infomerical for Palms Hotel and Casino was destined from its conception to be THE trainwreck in of the year. And it opened with the blinged out caboose of Britney Spears performing in what looked like leftover of the Pussycat Dolls costumes. Mama Spears half-assed her way through a generic routine and a generic song sans the rumored theatrics of magician Criss Angel. The performance was boring. And love her or love to hate her, B-Fed has NEVER been boring. A disoriented Spears forgot to pretend to sing. She lazed and loafed through a performance as even other celebrities (her peers, no less) watched in underwhelmed horror. She looked more like Courtney Love Barbie than a girl trying to prove she still had it. It’s over, Britney. “Give Us More?” Don’t you fucking dare.

The show was not a night of unique musical collaborations and zany moments. It was a mishmash of technical difficulties, drunken riots, Kid Rock cold-cockin’ Tommy Lee, more drunken riots…but only a handful of awards were given out and only three acts actually sang on the main stage. It was probably the best thing for the actual celebrities, cutting out all that boring waiting and being sober and it got right to the parties and alcohol. For the viewer, it was nothing less than eye-garbage, lots o hype with no follow-through.MTV Producers had the genius idea to move the show from NYC to the Palms in Vegas and have celebrities (Justin Timberlake, Kayne West, Foo Fighters, etc) host their parties in the hotel’s many suites during the show. On the main stage, only several acts performed: Alicia Keys tore it up with a new single “No One” which morphed in George Michael’s “Freedom; Chris Brown once again tried to BE Michael Jackson with a very enthusiastic performance, parts of which were janked from the King of Pop himself; Justin Timberlake, BFF Timbaland and crew closed the show.

My personal highlight was a drunk Timberlake stumbling into the wall as he made his way to the main stage (he actually can mess up, even if he made it look cool), still put on one of the best performances of the night, and invite the audience up to his suite party on the 32nd floor! Apparently through the tequila-soaked blur of the night, awards were handed out, but I can’t remember for what or to whom. Justin Timberlake challenged MTV to play more videos and make less reality shows (in front of “The Hills” girls no less). I agree. I’ve even blogged about MTV’s lack of music-based programming. I think the show proved that music isn’t as bad a place as it may seem, but it’s the actual music channel that’s lost its way.

Random Note:*Sarah Silverman is not funny. MTV seems to think she’s zany and controversial, but calling anyone’s babies “mistakes” is a good way to get your ass kicked by a bodyguard. Shut up and sit down.

What happened to MTV?

I’m usually a late bloomer when it comes to most things. It’s true for puberty (I was wearing a t-shirt in sixth grade, people!) and it’s true for all things music. I listened to old Bill Cosby comedy tapes and the radio until my mom bought me a CD player for my seventeenth birthday. I’m not telling you the first CD I bought (*coughsnsynccoughs*)

As soon as I bought the unnamed CD, I was a music freak. Within a week, I was glued to MTV. I would run home after school and watch “TRL.” I loved the other shows like “Making the Video,” “Diary,” and a lot of their other music-based shows. How MTV—Music Television—transitioned from a channel that played a tons of music videos, and had shows about making music and behind the scenes of the ‘biz to a nauseating mishmash of reality shows about spoiled, rich teenagers and crazy guys hitting each other in the junk with bats with virtually NO music content is beyond me. (I flipped to the channel over the weekend and saw a guy flying off his skateboard and landing head first into the concrete. Because THAT’s entertainment, folks!)

According to the article in the L.A. Times, MTV is planning to diverge further away from the music:

In an attempt to reconnect with young audiences that have drifted from the channel recently, MTV will begin to roll out series that showcase the best of the Web, require heavy viewer participation and feature the lives of real teens. While YouTube and MySpace made noise first by trafficking in do-it-yourself media, MTV will now put viewers in the driver's seat by serving teens the entertainment they crave most: the kind they create. Internet pages about themselves. Video shorts they direct. Sliced and diced bits of movies and TV shows, re-cut into something new.

It sounds like it’s going to be a hot, seizure-inducing mess. I don’t know why I’m picturing visual vomit of drunk teenagers pantsing each and poorly filmed parodies of videos of that the channel doesn’t actually air.

It’s funny that with all those high-powered executives with decades of experience can’t realize that by pigeon-holing the entire network to the high school demographic, barely showing music videos and churning out shows with absolutely NO celeb-factor is why people aren’t watching it.

I could fix it! And I come cheap!

Source: "MTV gets a new program", latimes.com