Thursday, November 20, 2008

Snarky Supernatural Recap: I Know What You Did Last Summer

Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are 87 miles away from me at a “Supernatural” Convention. 87 miles. That’s all the preamble you’re getting for this awesome episode, because knowing that fact, I can barely concentrate on anything else. Let’s delve into the angsty goodness, shall we?

The episode opens in the patient’s room in a mental hospital. The décor—the old-fashioned bed with white metal headboards, the windows with antique moldings, even the stark white of the walls—screams, “Girl, Interrupted.” It is a classic mental hospital setting. And our patient is playing classic crazy: slackened mouth, aimless gaze as she listens to the crescendo of voices in her head. A soothing, female rich voice calls the patient’s name, asking her if she knows where she is. She looks as if she has been given the Paula Abdul cocktail of drugs, and isn’t aware of anything really, except the whispers in her mind that immediately cease when the doctor speaks. “You’re at the Connor-Beverly Behavioral Medicine Center.” Against the white of the walls, Anna’s hair looks as if her colorist is three packets Cherry Kool-Aid, and not Ken Paves. Free from her happy place, Cherry fingers the medical bracelet on her wrist as if she’s never seen it before. The unseen doctor asks her if she knows why she is there, and Cherry gives her a groggy shrug as an answer. “You were hysterical. It took four people to restrain you.” “I was trying to warn them…everyone. Forget it. It was stupid,” Cherry begins, but loses her confidence, because she knows they thinks she is “nuts, but it’s all true.” The doctor speaks with an irritatingly slow and melodic cadence that is reserved for crying babies and crazy people. She is a professional woman with her make-up perfectly applied, every curly over-highlighted hair in place. Since this scene is classic, she has her legs crossed in her lap and a pen in her hand—the classic psychiatrist. “You can tell me, I’m here to listen,” Doc says. And I take a moment to realize that this is the first time (in months? Years?) I can remember two women occupying a scene on “Supernatural” in which they weren’t naked, hysterical, or under the Jedi-mindtrick of some pervert. This is groundbreaking television, people. “The end is coming. The apocalypse.” Cherry explains in jilted speech. I can tell the drugs are controlling her terror. “Like in the Bible?” Doc says, and she seems oddly hopeful (because Anna is talking to her) and stupidly unaffected (because she’s thinks this girl is three meatballs short of spaghetti). “Kind of Anna says. Same bottom line. This demon, Lilith is trying to break the 66 seals to free Lucifer from hell. Lucifer will bring the apocalypse. So smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.” Wait, she ain’t crazy?! She’s right on. I am officially rooting for this girl, because if you honestly knew about the apocalypse, wouldn’t you lose your damn mind? I know I would. But this also makes me wonder if schizophrenics are really just people who are somehow receptive to The Truth, and it’s so violently awful that they can’t articulate it and who would believe them if they could? Now, that is a terrifying thought.

The whispers pull Cherry back in a trance-like state, and once again, her head tilts to the side, and her mouth parts. Doc asks her what she was doing once she snaps back to…earth and Anna says she was “just listening.” She recounts more about Lilith’s progress bringing about the apocalypse, but then confesses that Lilith just has to open 66 out of 600 possible seals, so that makes it “nearly impossible to stop her. That’s why the angels are losing. That’s why we’re all gonna die.” Cherry sure is a breath of fresh air, isn’t she?

Outside of Cherry’s room, a ridiculously large orderly wheels a creaky medical cart and enters with her paper cup of pills. Cherry, of course, is rocking back and forth and drawing in a sketchbook, because that’s what classically crazy people do when their not bouncing around padded rooms in straight jackets and listening to angels. Cherry turns around, and is immediately and inexplicably scared of the approaching orderly. “What’s the matter, sweetie?” The orderly in a such a breezy, innocent way that I almost believe he’s not there to kill her, but I’ve watched this show for three years now and I know what’s what. “Your face!?” She gasps and slides backwards on her bed and back to the wall. “What happened to your face?” To the normal, non-supernatural eye, the orderly’s face is perfectly ordinary, but Cherry can see something beneath it. She can see through it like Dean could before he bit it back in “No Rest For The Wicked.” “I know,” Demon Orderly says, letting his eyes flip beetle-black, “I’m downright kissable.” He shushes her in an entirely creepy way and takes his time stepping inside the room and securing the door. Cherry cowers against the wall, but then her eyes grow wide and she stares at bureau a few feet away from the demon like it is some sort of weapon. Like it occurs to her that she can heave it at him in order to protect herself. So she does. WITH HER MIND!111. The enormous bureau careens forward and slams into the demon’s chest. The sheer force knocks him backwards, head shattering glass window, and rendering him unconscious. Cherry darts forward, sidesteps the subdued demon pinned against the door and bodily yanks it open just enough so she can slip through the space and presumably out of the hospital. FREE WINONA!

Awesome title card. Our beautiful heroes are…in a skeevy bar hustling some poor stupid bald biker. Why do I know they are hustling pool? First, they’re playing pool. Second, because Sammy’s “drunk” and we all know he doesn’t drink. Third, Dean runs up to the bar and pleads for his brother to stop, which Dean would never do. He’d beat him with a pool cue and drag him out of the bar by his collar if he actually sloshed enough to loose so much money. Finally, the devious duo shares a conspiratorial eyebrow quirk after Sam pushes the bet up to $500. Part of me wishes Sam was drunk so he can hilariously go off on Dean like he did in the awful “Playthings.” Remember Sam’s fine bod draped in that chair and laughing, all “you’re bossy….[giggles] and short……..stupid”? We like Hammered Sammy! Sorry. Again, 87 miles! My mind is going to wander! Dean stands sentry as Faux-Drunk Sam leans all the way down to take aim and sinks four balls on the break. Bald Biker sighs in disbelief. Sam’s fake-drunk face is hilariously pinched and his eyebrows are primly knitted together. He looks pleased with his break. Man, Sam truly has embraced the life. Sam’s blue eyes swing out and in the negative space of bar patrons, he sees Ruby 2.0 sitting at a distance table. He instantly sobers. “Keep the money.” Dean’s gorgeous eyes fly to Sam in horror. And if that’s not eye porn, I don’t know what is. “Keep the money?!” Dean and I echo, horrified. Sam says as stands all the way up, slides the cue on the table and walks away. Dean is confused until he sees Ruby 2.0 and he too forgets about the cash and remembers his violent disdain for the black-eyed skank whom we haven’t seen since I started my lucrative recapping career with “Metamorphosis.” Sam approaches Ruby 2.0 but can barely weep about how much he missed her before Dean bursts in, “You have a lot of nerve showing up anywhere near me.” AND OMG, I just said that to a disgusting guy at the bar the other day. Hee! “I just have some info and then I’m gone,” Ruby assures him. Yay! Make it snappy, Wildfire! Ruby has updates from the demon grapevine, “a girl named Anna Milton escaped from a locked ward yesterday. The demons seem pretty keen on finding her. Apparently, some real heavyhitters turned out for the Easter Egg Hunt,” she says directly to Sam because Dean steps away to procure some much-needed alcohol. Ruby doesn’t know who this woman is, but assumes she is valuable, because the demons want her ALIVE. She suggests that they “find this girl before the demons do.” Ruby and Dean snipe at each other, because he hates her both on principal—she’s a demon, thus the enemy—and he believes she tricked Sam into using his DEE-monic Telekinesis. I don’t know about you, Dean, but that’s a GOOD thing…for those of us who like Bad Sign Sammy. Ultimately, I don’t care who hates whom for what reason, I just love bitchy Dean. “Well it sure ain’t goose-chasin’ after some chick who for all we know doesn’t exist just because you think she’s important.” He thinks Anna doesn’t even exist and lies about being on a case. Ruby’s all “I told you, I’m done with it.” Sam nearly pleads for the name of the hospital.

Metallicar. Back road. Rainy night. On the phone, Fed-Like Sammy asks to get a copy of the missing person’s report as Dean steeps in his bitchiness at the wheel. When Sammy hangs up, he then relishes in the opportunity to tell Dean that Anna Milton is in fact a real person. “Don’t mean the case is real, and this hospital is a three-day drive,” Dean grumps. Man, I wonder how many miles are on that car. “We’ve driven further for less, Dean.” Sam points out. Silently, Dean shakes his head and steams in unspoken frustration in the exact way my mother does, which drives me absolutely batty, because grown-ups should USE THEIR WORDS. Apparently, that fucking expression has the same effect on Sam and he challenges, “You got somethin’ to say, say it.” And Dean’s all, “oh it’s on now,” but can only come up with “this sucks.” Sammy needlessly points out that Dean’s not mad that they’re following up on the girl; he’s “pissed Ruby threw us the tip.” I think they’ve established that. Pull over, take off your shirts and start throwing punches, please. “As far as you’re concerned that hell-bitch is practically family. Man, something major must have happened on while I was downstairs, because I come back and you’re BFF with a demon.” Sammy is as defensive and guarded as ever, and says that Ruby just helped him go after Lilith. “Thanks for the thumbnail, real vivid.” Dean asks for more information, for more details, because he just can’t wrap his mind around why he trusts Ruby 2.0 so completely. And I need to interject for a moment. Besides the season premiere when Dean thought Sam used some black mojo to bring him back to life, when has Dean ever asked Sam how he coped after he died? He hasn’t, has he? Punk. Back to the action. Now it’s Sammy turn to be a fabulous bitch, “Sure Dean, let’s trade stories! You first, how was hell? Don’t spare the details!” He snarks in scathing sarcasm. Hee! Dean, as we saw last week, refuses to talk about hell, so he says nothing. Sam turns his eyes back to the road, and angrily triumphant because Dean isn’t sharing his the dark traumas that haunt him, so neither is Sam. As the Winchesters settle into yet another long drive, Sam’s face settles in one of stony sadness, because he is remembering his own personal hell.

The screen flashes in a cool and literal transition into a flashback to “Six Months Later” as indicated by the words on the screen. It is dark. Sammy digs a huge hole with his bare hands. When he grabs the rusted tin and sets it in the hole, I know that he is at the crossroads that Dean went to save Sam’s life in “All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2.” Sam claws dirt over the box with one hand and clutches a liquor bottle in the other. The Woeful Orchestra of Woe creates an intense ambiance Sam sloppily stands up and guzzles from the bottle not caring about the burn. He’s self-medicating, but there’s not enough liquor on the planet to staunch the aching loneliness. Swaying, he kicks dirt over the hole with his giant feet. Sammy is truly inebriated, and it’s anything but funny. Sam’s giant shadow looms over the ground as he stumbles and drinks and waits for the Crossroads Demon. When it doesn’t come fast enough, he rages, “COME ON!” and hurls the bottle into the cold night air. “Where the hell are you?” Sammy spins around and squints into the night air. A tight shot reveals that our pristine darling Sammy looks very worse for the wear, all unkempt hair and shadows under dark eyes. “I was wondering whether to come or not, I mean you shot one of my co-workers,” the MALE Crossroads Demon says as he stands a distance away under a light. Remember, folks, the Crossroads Demon that Sammy killed in “Bedtime Stories” was played by none other than his former fiancée, Sandra Not-Padalecki. And that was really mean. I apologize. Her name is Sandra McCoy, and I loved her in the video for NSYNC’s “Pop.” She was quite bubbly and effervescent and adorable.

And wait just a damn minute! Every other Crossroads Demon has been female, so why are they suddenly sending a man? Is there just as much sexism in the demon world as there is in the mortal one? And no, Sarah Palin’s candidacy for Vice-President isn’t a valid argument for progress the women’s movement. Her presence in government and the national spotlight makes Gloria Steinum CRY. Do they think a guy would have been chance against a distraught Sammy Winchester? Or do they just not want to completely obliterate Sammy’s trademark goodness and decency in one episode by having him doing bad things with demons in female meatsuits. But I’m getting way ahead of myself.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Sam, but you don’t look so hot, buddy. I guess burying your brother didn’t agree with you.” XY Crossroads says as his eyes flash red. This flashback takes place in first few days after Sam insisted they bury Dean instead of salting and burning his corpse. And I just had a pain typing that. I hate this show. Stop torturing the pretty. Grief-Striken Sammy spreads his arms out, showing off his impressive wingspan, and is more than ready to get down to business. XY Crossroads wants to see The Knife, so Sammy pulls it out of his magic hoodie (which he was rockin’ in season one!) and slams it ontop of a weathered table. “No Devil’s Traps either. I’m not here to play games,” Sammy snarls. XY Crossroads approaches in a casual manner, hands in the pockets of his dress pants. His unbuttoned collar and loosened tie makes him look like a businessman who just got off work and is on the way to the bar. “Lemme guess, you want to make a deal. And round and round the Winchesters go,” he singsongs as he approaches and (stupidly) puts his hands flat on the table like a lawyer. “Sorry, Sam, that’s not going to happen.” Sam’s face is blank for a second, but Jared Padalecki is doing something indescribably awesome with his eyes, and faster than I’ve ever seen him move, Sammy snatches up the knife and plunges it through the hand of XY Crossroads. Ouch. The demon groans in agony as his hand snap-crackles-pops with supernatural light and he fights to get free, but Devastated Sammy holds it in place and pins his other hand to the table. “I don’t want ten years. I don’t want one year. I don’t want CANDY. I want to trade places with Dean.” DUN! And that DUN was just my heart breaking. I just want to hug him and love him and cut his messy hair.

XY Crossroads shaking with pain offers up a manly…erm, demonly, “No.” Sam rages, “JUST TAKE ME, IT’S A FAIR TRADE!” “NO!” XY counters, relishing Sammy’s torment and desperation. The Last of the Winchesters abandons rage for complete flabbgastedness, because this is his last hope for getting his brother back. You can pinpoint the second he realizes that he will never see Dean again; that Dean will be tortured in hell for eternity because he offered his soul to save Sam in a moment of similar and complete grief; and Sammy actually has to live without him, and it’s so soul-shatteringly wrong that he can’t even fathom it. “Lilith wants me to dead. Just let him go; she can have me.” He pleads, and there’s spit on his chin. XY Crossroads has the upper hand—and the irony of it all isn’t lost on me—because “it’s not about your soul. Dean’s in hell right where we want him. We’ve got everything exactly the way we want it. You want to kill me, go ahead, I’ve made peace with my lord.” Sammy, of course, kills him, and we hear his death echoing in Sam’s mind back in the present. I’m still reeling from it all. And so am I. I just might need a cigarette, because I’m quite satisfied after waiting to see Grief-Striken Sammy since the season premiere. FINALLY, we get ANGSTY GUILT and ANGSTY GRIEF and RAGE WRAPPED IN ANGUISH AND SMOTHERED IN ANGSTY GRAVY. As a viewer and an Equal-Opportunity Winchester-er, it’s cathartic and riveting to watch Jared Padalecki devour some truly terrific material like Jensen has been doing all season. Bravo! He made Sam’s misery palpable. Although the nitpicker in me wonders why this wasn’t at this at the beginning of the season. And WHOA! It seems the demon world is playing divide and conquer with the Winchesters! They figured out that Dean was keeping his brother firmly on the straight-and-narrow as well as protecting him with his life. So once they bought Dean’s soul, they traded the contract up to the higher demons, and waited until he died so Sammy would be unprotected and vulnerable for the advances of the darkside or death. Demons are patient as they are demon-y, I see. Back in the present, Sam and Dean are silent, remembering their awful time apart. We can hear the patter of the rain against the car. We can hear the windshield wipers squeak against the windshield. We can hear the rumble of the engine. But the air between Sammy and Dean is so cluttered with everything they’re not saying to each other, and that is the loudest thing of alll. I say it again, stop torturing the pretty, “Supernatural.”

“Girl, Interrupted” Medical Center. Fed-Like Sammy and Un-Fed-Like Dean are wearing their beautiful black suits in the whitest hospital ever (Random Fact: Something like 82% of hospital rooms are actually mint green, not white). They speak to Doc about Cherry Winona Jolie’s escape. Doc explains that Cherry knocked the orderly unconscious and “he doesn’t even remember coming into her room.” Maybe because he was possessed. Dean points out that subduing the orderly would have to be a mighty feat since the orderly had “eighty pounds on her.” Doc assumes she planned the attack by waiting behind the door and she just punched him. Wait, no one noticed that the bureau was about five feet closer to the door than it should be? Or the orderly’s magically broken ribs? For someone who went to school for 12 years just to become a doctor, she’s pretty stupid. He was pinned to a door by a BUREAU. All of the inaccuracies are making my eye twitch, so I’m going to summarize: No less than two months ago, she was a normal college girl, a Journalism major (HOLLA!). Then, she was overtaken by DEE-monic delusions, because she apparently suffers from television’s favorite mental disorder, Schizophrenia. Doc hands over Cherry’s Sketchbook O’ Crazy and her drawings depict everything that has happened this season in awesome stylized pictures, which Dean calls “Revelations.” We also learn that Cherry’s father was a church deacon, and so it’s not all that shocking that her schizo paranoia took religious overtones, specifically centered on Lucifer’s rising. Sammy and Dean know that Anna knows The Truth, and are very concerned…and pretty.

Cut to a house that is presumably Cherry’s. There are two cars in the driveway, but no one is answering the door. Un-Fed-Like Dean tries the knob—his suit jacket pulling tight across his back, I might add—and walks in. I hate people who are too stupid to lock their front doors. Unfortunately, Cherry’s not there and her parents are dead, throats slit by demons, judging by the sulfur scattered on the floor. Dean finally sees that Ruby 2.0 wasn’t lying, and the demons “want her, and they’re not screwin’ around.” Thankfully, Dean and Sammy didn’t buy the recounting of how Cherry escaped from the asylum. “So I’m Girl, Interrupted, and I know the score of the apocalypse. And I just busted out of the nutbox—possibly using superpowers by the way—where would I go?” Dean thinks aloud as he sorts through their mail. That’s a moot point, because we all know Dean would be at the nearest strip club, regardless. Sammy continues to spread his fingerprints and DNA around the house by picking up a photo from the buffet table. He notices that the beautiful stained glass window that was in the Sketchbook O’ Crazy is that is the picture, it’s her family’s church. So, he continues the roleplaying game, in a completely non-sexy way. Boo! “If you were religious, scared and had demon on your ass, where would you go to feel safe?” Entertainment Weekly’s New York Office, duh! What? That’s MY church.

AWESOME establishing shot of the Milton’s church with the front bumper of the Metallicar in the foreground. Suck it, “Heroes.” This show is everything yours should be, but better! Sammy and Dean, out of their sheriff suits, and in their hunting ensembles, enter the attack of the church with their guns drawn. I would riff about the beautiful detail of church setting is, what with dark wood buttresses and antique light fixtures, but I don’t want to bore anyone with my love of art history. Hee!

Sammy sees the shadow of Cherry crouched behind a stained glass partition, so he puts his gun away and motions for Dean to do the same. Gently, he says that he and his brother are there to help, and specifically gives her their names. That coaxes her out of her hiding place. She asks if Dean is “The Dean,” which I know is going to be his new nickname, and she too is in battle gear—jeans, white cleavage-friendly shirt, and an Army green jacket that’s almost as ugly as Sammy’s. “It’s really you,” Cherry marvels as she stands in front of an enormous white and lavender checkered glass window that is way too modern to fit in with the décor of the church. “The angels talk about you. You were in hell, but Castiel pulled you out and some of them think you can help save us.” She says as she advances towards Dean. Dean is amazed and looks positively gorgeous. She reluctantly talks to Sam, “some of them don’t like you at all.” Hee! “They talk about you all the time. I feel like I know you.” Now that Cherry is free from the hospital and all of the drugs, we can tell that she is timid and shy, despite her cherrylicious red hair. She has big brown eyes that are silvery and jump from beautiful man to beautiful man as she tells them that she can’t speak to the angels, she just overhears their conversations but believes the angels probably don’t know that she even exists. And we all know that will come back to bit her in the bum. “Like right now?” Dean asks lifting his eyebrows in a way that is completely adorable. She isn’t hearing them now, but she can’t ignore the voices, because there are so many of them. “So they lock you up with a case of the crazies when really you were just tuning into angel radio?” Dean sums up with his trademark eloquence. Cherry is finally glad someone believes her. “Yes. Thank You.” Oh, and the first words she heard were on September 18th: “Dean Winchester is saved.” They now understand why the demons want Anna so badly, because she can hear everything they are planning. “You’re 1-900-ANGEL.” Dean jokes to Anna, and she smiles. God, she’s a Deangirl! And Dean does too, softly, pleased that he put her at ease for just a moment. I must note that Dean hasn’t even attempted to look at her rack. Does he LIKE her?

Cherry then asks if her parents are okay, because she was too scared to go home. Um, awkward? Before either of them can share pregnant gazes and avoid the question, Ruby 2.0 bursts in tell the boys that the demons are coming. Cherry recoils, because she can see Ruby 2.0’s true face, her putty face. You’ve heard of a Butter Face (or Butherface), Genevieve is a Putty Face. I think she’s a very attractive girl, her skin is so smooth and she has thick features, and sometimes, it looks like her whole face was molded out of silly putty. Sam tells her that Ruby 2.0 is a good demon (OXYMORON!), but Dean points out the convenience of Ruby popping up with a demon on her tail. And he’s not being adorably bitchy anymore, now he sounds like a broken record. Shut up, Dean! Ruby 2.0 says that the “big time” demon followed them from Cherry’s house. Sam points to the statue of The Virgin Mary, because her EYES ARE BLEEDING! Whoa. “It’s too late. He’s here.” Ruby 2.0 says. Sam stashes Cherry in a closet. Dean stares at the bleeding statue as he’s seen it before, but he can’t remember where or when. And neither can I, because that’s NEVER happened on this show. Sam walks back out, pulling out a tiny flask of holy water, which seems like it would be useless against a demon that can make carved pieces of rock BLEED. “You have to pull him right away,” Ruby 2.0 commands. Dean, of course, is having none of that. And Ruby sets him straight, “Now is not the time to bellyache about Sam going darkside. Sam exorcises that demon or we die.” Dean has no snarky comeback for that, so Sam puts away his flask and turns to the doorway as the soundtrack shakes with an intensifying rumble. The door flies open, revealing a sour faced man with close-cut white hair, who looks like he just left from a polo match in his navy blue blazer and khakis. Calmly, he walks up the stairs. Sammy raises his right hand and thinks real hard. The demon clutches his neck as his eyes flash yellow in a way that looks like he’s blocking Sam’s mojo, and then adjusts his collar and coughs, mildly annoyed. “That tickles.” That was PIMP! Get that dirt off your shoulder, Demon!

I just noticed this, but there is a quick flash to Ruby 2.0’s putty face tinted with guilt, like she knew Sammy couldn’t pull him or that this was a set-up to see if he could. Please tell me this black-eyed skank isn’t pulling the dee-monic wool over Sammy’s eyes. “You don’t have the juice to take me on, Sam,” Pimp D announces and then uses his own DEE-Monic Telekinesis to yank Sammy forward. His feet skid helplessly over the floor and his arms flail before he tumbles through the banister and careens down a flight of stairs. I really hope that was a stuntman, because OUCH. Dean, pissed, wields The Knife and lunges for Pimp D. But the demon easily stops him and instead of hitting him, he sucker-punches the audience with “Hello again, Dean.” MY HEAD IS ALREADY SPINNING! How does Pimp D know Dean?! He slams Scrappy Doo into one of those lovely buttresses I didn’t mention earlier. Meanwhile, Ruby 2.0 snatches a petrified Cherry from the closet and they presumably leave. Pimp D is now pummeling my poor Dean all about the head and face AND HE’S SO NOT PIMP ANYMORE! NOT THE FACE!NOTTHEFACE!NOT THEFACE! The Knife falls to the floor because Dean is getting his ass kicked and bleeding a lot. “Don’t you recognize me? Oh wait, I forgot I’m wearing a pediatrician.” Heee! He’s pimp again. Sorry, Dean. “And we were so close…in hell.” “Alastair.” Dean chokes, blood in his mouth and streaming from his nose. Alastair apparently has demon sense because he doesn’t continue smashing Dean’s head in like a pumpkin, but turns around expecting an incoming attack. This opens him up for Badass Sammy, who plunges The Knife directly into Alastair’s chest, just off of the heart. Go ‘head, Sammy! “You’re going to have to try a whole lot harder than that son,” Pimp Alistair teases, before tossing Sammy aside. The Knife did hurt him however, because he groans as light snap-crackle-pops inside his chest as he pulls it out. Sammy grabs Dean and both know they need to escape and fast. They eye the hideous, checkered window, and then each other before they take off. Tell me they’re not. OH, YES THEY ARE! Sprinting, they hurtle themselves against through the glass, and plummet at least a story to the ground below, because as motherfuckin’ awesome as Winchesters are, they can’t fly. Alastair watches, grimly defeated, but he now has The Knife. Crap.

Bloody, half-stitched gash. Yes, you read that correctly, Sammy (ONLY?!????!!) sustained a five-inch long laceration in his lovely, tanned bicep from their dive through a stained glass window, and onto the pavement some 30 feet below, and he’s now stitching it up himself! And that’s it folks. *stands up, places hand over heart* I officially pledge my allegiance to Sammy Winchester! Sorry again, Dean. He pushes the needle through his own flesh and vocalizes the pain. In the bathroom, Dean spits blood into the sink ands asks if Sam’s almost done. Sammy, who is now pulling the thread through his own flesh, snarks that he’s “going as fast as he can.” Dean walks into the room, “Good, cause I got a dislocated shoulder over here.” Don’t be a wussy, pop it back in yourself, sugartits! I will admit that it’s kind of shitty of Sammy to opt to stitch himself up before tending to Dean’s arm. But judging by the amount of blood on Sammy’s shirt, I’m sure they thought that wound was pretty serious. Dean self-medicates with alcohol as Sammy holds the threat with his teeth and snips it. Breathless with pain, he impatiently motions for Dean to give him the bottle of booze, and uses it to disinfect his freshly stitched wound. Dean completely adds insult to injury, “We lost the magic knife, huh?” “Yeah, saving your ass!” Sammy snaps and he gained a ton of badass points for it too. “Who was the hell was that demon?” “No one good,” Dean cryptically answers. Wow, now that’s specific. Dean is a hypocrite! “We gotta find [Cherry].” “Ruby’s got her, I’m sure she’s okay,” Sammy says, panting. He looks at Dean, remembering that, despite Dean’s uncannily high tolerance for pain, his shoulder is still dangling out of the socket. Sammy gingerly stands up and moves behind Dean as he leans against the bed, bracing himself for what’s to come. He knows it’ll hurt but he’s prepared for the pain, and whatever comes next…and no, I’m not even kidding. I can only write what is on the screen, and that’s exactly what happened. I can hear Wincesters swooning as we speak. Dr. Sammy says that he is going to pop Dean’s shoulder back in on three, but he is an asshole and does it on one. Dean screams and literally walks away gripping his hair in reaction to the pain that is so realistic, it makes my stomach hurt. Shut up! I’m empathizing! They’re in PAIN. “You sure about Ruby? I think it’s just as likely she sent us to find Radio Girl and then sent that demon in to kill us,” Dean says for the 54th time in 17 minutes. Sam insists Ruby will keep Cherry safe and she hasn’t contacted them because “that demon is probably watching us right now, waiting to follow us right back to [Cherry] again, that’s why he let us go.” Sammy has grown quite smart since Dean’s demise, and again, I think he’s faced off against some heinous demons during his Deathwish Phase. He sure does know how they operate. “You call this letting us go,” Dean scoffs, icing his poor mangled shoulder. “Look killing us would have been no problem for that thing, that’s why we just have to lay low and wait for Ruby to contact us.” Sam assures him, but later admits that he doesn’t know how she is going to do that. Tossing the ice pack aside, Dean tells Sam that he needs to know why Sam trusts Ruby so much. Put that back on your shoulder, stupid! He promises he is “not trying to pick a fight,” but he just “deserves to know more.” This is completely valid, since Sam’s entanglement with Ruby puts Dean’s life in jeopardy. A lot. Haunting strings from the Woeful Orchestra of Woe lilts as the camera creeps closer to Sammy’s sad face. He avoids Dean’s gaze and confesses, “because, she saved my life.”

“Six Months Earlier” flashes over the blurry frame that slowly ebbs into focus and tracks a drunken Sam as he wobbles down a hallway. I’m assuming this takes place immediately after The Crossroads Disaster (and no I’m not talking about the 2002 Britney Spears movie, although that was a major clusterfuck). He unlocks the door and shuffles into the hotel room with the balance of a dizzy toddler, holding his arms out and inching woodenly towards the bed, ready to collapse inside of it, and not get up for weeks. A line of light from the window illuminates Sammy’s face, and despite his clean-shaven jaw, my poor Sammy looks absolutely terrible—his eyes are dark, red-rimmed and dead. He senses something in the room and turns to catch a first to the jaw. Deathwish Sammy reels in stupefying pain and surprise, and by the time his booze-drenched mind can comprehend that he is being ambushed, and try to fight back, he is punched again. HARD. At this point, Sammy’s attacker could be a run-of-the-mill human lowlife, because Sammy is downright blitzed he can’t even see straight, and frankly, my dear, Sammy doesn’t give a damn. The attacker actually manages to restrain giant Sammy and a woman in a cheap billowy trenchcoat that screams “Matrix” materializes to knee him in the ribs until his legs collapse. Whoever this is? She needs to be put down now! WE HATE HER and her abdominal-damaging knees! The henchman snatches Sammy up my his hair as the henchwoman reaches in his puffy magic hoodie and retrieves The Knife. “Thanks for keeping this warm for me, Sam.” She singsongs, trying to be nasty. “Ruby.” Sam says almost immediately. Really? So Ruby 2.0 is really Ruby 3.0? Fuck that. From now on, it’s RUBY. Done. I can’t keep track of all the bodies she ruins. “It’s nice to be back. Even for hell, it was pretty nasty. I guess I really pissed Lilith off.” Ruby’s current body is that of a lithe blonde woman with ice blue eyes I’d almost kill for, and dimples that rival The Padalecki’s. While she’s about as threatening as a Carebear, she is a breath of fresh air from Wildfire's stilted interpretation of Ruby. “Imagine my relief when she gave me one last chance to take it topside, and all I had to do was find you and kill you.” New Ruby jabs the knife in a hilarious mime of a lethal stab. She’s so cute! But Sam doesn’t really seem to care about THAT right now, because Ruby’s demon henchman, who is pulling out clumps of his hair, is all of 5’9’’ and he’s bending Jared Padalecki backwards in all sorts of painful shapes. Defiant and suicidal, Sammy slaps henchman’s arm away and extends his neck out to Ruby in a brazen invitation. “Fine. Do it!” He hisses. They share an intense gaze and for the briefest of moments, she looks incredibly sad at what The GRIEF has done to Sammy. She whips her arm back, ready to put Sammy out of his misery. At this point, I’m ready for her to do it, because maybe Sammy can be reborn and rehymenated and rejuvenated like Dean was. I kid, I kid. We all know she’s not going to kill him. I am shocked, however, when she drives the knife into the henchman who has probably left Padalecki in dire need of chiropractor. Score! Sammy’s face flashes with disbelief and then…fucking disappointment as he watches that poor man’s body fall to the floor, dead. “Grab your keys. We gotta go. Now,” Ruby commands. Deathwish Sammy just wishes he was dead.

Sammy is driving the Metallicar. I repeat Drunken Deathwish Sammy Eugene Winchester is driving the Metallicar. I really think Jared and Jensen need to film a drunk driving PSA before the season is over. And Ruby is defiling Sammy’s dead brother’s wheels by sitting in the front seat. Ew! I bet the leather will rot right off the frame when she gets out. But she’s giddy about being topside, and she wants some fries. “I just escaped hell. I deserve a treat.” Yeah, rub it in Ruby. Sammy looks despondent, broken. “You know a ‘thank you’ would be nice.” “Who asked for your help?” Sammy replies wearily. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. When Lilith gets pissed, she gets creative. You want to hear about the corners of hell I’ve seen?” I’m gonna say NO since his brother is there, and Sam is already two minutes away from driving the Metallicar off a cliff. “I’m a fugitive for you, Sam,” She stresses. I see she has pledged her allegiance to Sammy too, but WHY? I really don’t believe this demon could endure centuries of torture and anguish and still cling to her humanity only to throw her support behind a human who was (is?) supposed to play a pivotal role in the approaching Apocalypse. “I took all this risk to get back to you, so yeah, I deserve a damn thank you.” Why does Ruby sound like less of a badass demon and more of like a mopey, clingy ex-girlfriend-turned-stalker? He simply asks if she knows of anything that can save Dean. “Nothing I know of is powerful enough to do that,” Ruby resigns. Sam jerks the wheel to the side of the road, “then I have no use for you. Get out.” She doesn’t leave, of course, so he levels her with this: “Whose body are you riding?” Ruby is flabbergasted, “You’ve never asked me that before.” “Well I’m asking now.” “Some secretary,” she admits, ashamed. “Let her go,” Sam demands, “or I’ll send you straight back to hell.” Do it! Sam, please do it!

Cut to hospital. The body that Ruby started the season with is in the bed currently occupying a bed in the ICU. A label at the foot is labeled Jane Doe. Now isn’t that convenient! Two doctors in scrubs stand over her body. One doctor says, “All right, pull it,” and resident detaches the respirator (that has no tube in it by the way) and all of the monitors scream as Jane Doe dies, because she was probably brain dead for a specified amount of time before the state decided to cut off her lights. As the doctor calmly writes on her chart, Jane Doe melodramatically gasps back to life and shoots ramrod straight breathing even as the monitor still reads a FLATLINE. We never see Ruby’s black cloud of demon smoke enter the body, but Ruby’s got tricks, I guess. Whatever. “Who do I have to kill to get some french fries around here?” I have refrained from riffing on what a terrible actress this girl is, but I’m saying it now. She is awful! I can’t take it anymore. I don’t even believe that she’s breathing hard! I was never crazy about the character, and Genevieve’s Ruby makes me hate her. I miss Kate Cassidy, DUIs, overacting and all. COME BACK KATE!

Abandoned house. Sam has taken to Dean’s favorite hobby of cleaning guns after a meal of crappy take-out pizza and cheap whiskey. Sammy is squatting in a dilapidated cabin previously occupied by the Unabomber judging by the looks of things. One of the walls has completely eroded to studs, allowing lush overgrowth and the sun to stream inside. There is a harsh knock on the door and Sammy grabs his trusty sawed-off, holds the forend to cock the weapon one-handed. Hee! He walks down the hall of rotting walls and warped floors and presses the barrel of the gun to the door before opening it. Um, paranoid much? There stands Ruby with a note from her very confused doctors, proof that her new body is “ 100 percent socially conscious. I recycle. Al Gore would be proud,” she says, entering the house uninvited. Sam seems almost amused that she “grabbed a coma patient.” His voice sounds strange, like he hadn’t spoken since he saw the last time he saw her. “You said you wanted a body with no one in it. Apartment was empty. You happy?” Ruby continues as she surveys Sammy’s new digs. Sam does the same to Ruby. “Why are you here?” He wonders and his mouth moves in an eerie, deliberate way, over-articulating words that still come out slurred. Sam’s drunk. I doubt he’s been sober since Dean died, but he's just functionally drunk right now, which is good since he was playing with guns. But wow, Jared plays drunk quite well. I wonder how much research he did for this episode. “I can’t bring Dean back, but I can get you something else you want.” Sam can’t imagine wanting anything ever again. “Yeah, what’s that?” He inquires, trading the shotgun for the ever-present bottle of booze. “Lilith.” This gets Sam’s attention, “You want me to use my psychic whatever?” Ruby begins her hard-sell and Alcoholic Sammy interrupts. “Skip the speech, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

And I need to interject. Jared Padalecki is absolutely rocking this entire episode, especially this scene. In “Yellow Fever,” Dean’s overwhelming fear turned him into a character I didn’t recognize, and Jensen Ackles’ performance was one for the “Supernatural” history books. Now, I feel the same thing with Sam. Sam’s debilitating grief has turned him into someone I don’t recognize. He isn’t the sweet-faced, well-intentioned, rational nerd who happens to be a fifteen-foot-tall lethal weapon. He is a gigantic, intimidating, embattled alcoholic who is fueled by grief and little else.

“Slow down there, cowboy,” Ruby warns. “Just show me what I have to do.” Ruby finds another bottle, and takes a swig. She raps about her time in the joint and how her cellmate, Lilith, is cookin’ up something that is “apocalyptic big.” She will teach Sam everything she knows but he has to promise her “patience and sobriety.”

Back to the Future. Dean is still hunched over cradling his injured shoulder that he’s still not icing. Now would be a great time to ice your mangled shoulder, moron! “So, what’d she teach you?” He wonders, engrossed in storytime. “That I’m a crappy student.”

Back to the past. Sam stands, sweaty, and painted orange by the light of the fire. He eyes Ruby before he focuses on another being in the room. The camera pulls back to reveal a demon that is riding the body of a balding, thirty-something man who probably works for The Geek Squad. Sammy lifts his hand and thinks real hard. The demon doesn’t really struggle but seems confused when his mouth involuntarily opens and gooey black smoke escapes. Finally, he realizes what is happening, and the demon white-knuckles the arms of the chair he’s lashed to. He’s symbolically clinging to this body and this mortal coil. The smoke stubbornly slides back into its body as Sammy stops and grabs his head. Geek Squad seems tickled by Sam’s pain. Determined, Sam tries again, and pulls the shit-eating grin right off Geek’s face, along with his essence. The demon visibly struggles this time, because Sammy’s fighting so hard and rolls with the pain until his nose starts to bleed, and it intensifies. He bends over with agony, head in his hands. Ruby, in her form-fitting, badass leather jacket, stands sentry with The Knife, overseeing this whole process even though she never says a word. Some Ms. Miyagi you are! Geek Squad laughs demonically at Sam’s inability to perform. So Ruby stands by her man, and kills him by stabbing The Knife through his face so hard that the blade comes out though his neck as the life snap-crackle-pops out of him. “Not funny.” Ruby declares to some poor man’s dead body. Um, Sam still knows the 50 words of Latin. You didn’t have to kill him.

Cut to Cabin. Sammy walks back into his shack with a shovel, and tramps over the devil’s trap with Ruby right behind him. A close up of the pentacle shows that Sammy was kind of enough to scrape the paint off so Ruby wouldn’t get stuck in it, although I think he might regret that move in about three minutes. Sammy, in a form-fitting blue tee shirt, slams the shovel down on the table and digs through Dean’s duffel bag for a bottle of painkillers. “Just give it time, Sam, it’ll get better,” Ruby promises. “What? I need more practice?” He winded from, ya know, burying the poor man Ruby killed. He pops the pills and washes them down with a long, searing of liquor, and I worry about Sammy’s liver. Also I can see the lean wave of his stomach beneath the cotton. O that I were a shirt upon that stomach, that I might touch that stomach! But sadly, Sam sinks to sit on the table and I can’t see it anymore. Boo! And we all know the only reason he sat down is so tiny little Genevieve could talk to Ginormous Sammy without breaking her neck. “I’m not talking about pulling Demons,” she pauses. “I know losing Dean was—“ “HEY!” Sam reflexively snaps, “I don’t want to talk about it.” The camera switches to film over Sam’s head for Ruby’s side, and we get a shot of Sammy’s beautiful back. I hate that tee shirt more than I hate Ruby right now. “You know what? Where do you get off slapping me with that greeting card ‘time heals all’ crap? What the hell do you know?”

Ruby inches closer. “I used to be human, and I remember what it’s like to lose someone.” How? Ruby was human “back when the plague was big,” and tortured in hell for centuries, how could she possibly remember grief and anguish? I don’t buy it. Her character is becoming more human, and the more that happens, the more I suspect her motives. Ruby is softer now and she places her hand on Sammy’s shoulder and seriously says, “I’m sorry.” Sammy recoils, sweeping her arm off like she burned him. He can’t be touched. “Don’t.” The camera switches to his face and his shoulder is literally shaking where she touched him, and he weakly confesses, “I can’t.” And his face twitches like he’s going to cry or completely fall apart, because he is talking about everything, not just Ruby’s sudden need offer demony comfort. “Sam, you’re not alone.” Ruby swoops in to kiss him, off-center and sloppy. Sam doesn’t kiss back or do anything for several agonizing seconds. Finally, he shoves her away in disgust and jumps to his feet. “What are you doing?” He walks across the room and sits on the ratty couch. “Sam, it’s okay!” Ruby says, and her putty face is gone. She looks pretty. Sam wipes his mouth off. “That is ANYTHING but OKAY!” Sam yells. “What’s wrong?” “Where do I start?!” Sam is still rubbing at his lips, leaving his hands over his mouth. Ruby advances, and fluidly strips off her leather jacket and tosses it aside. I bet you wished you kept that devil’s trap intact, huh, Sammy? “Is it because of the body?” She asks and she places her hands on Sam’s knees and kneels down in front of him. “I told you, it’s all me in here.” She puppets his giant hands on her stomach and inches closer. “There’s no one else in here, and it’s nice inside this body, Sam. It’s soft and warm.” She’s SEDUCING him. Her voice gets breathy and porny. Sam valiantly tries to fight it, but it’s a losing battle. Her rubs the soft skin of her stomach. “What are you doing?” Sam duhs. Ruby kisses his forehead and trails her lips along his face, knowing all of the manly buttons to push, “is it because you’re really scared to go there with a demon? Because it’s wrong and it’s bad and we shouldn’t?” She taunts and teases her mouth against his. Sam’s face twists in a valiant effort to push her off or send her back to Hades, but he finally gives in, and kisses her hard. He lifts her up so she is straddling him. Ruby’s shirt comes off and Sam continues, yanking fiercely at her hair and kissing and biting. His shirt flies over his head, and they are officially the beast with two backs. I don’t even realize that Sam is doing the dirty with a demon because I’m identifying all of the muscles in Sam’s magnificent back, and there are some extras that aren’t in my college anatomy book. It’s also amusingly obvious that Jared Padalecki is flexing all those muscles because he knows just how hot he is. Thank you, Padelecki! I wish I could eat sushi and pudding off that back. I wish I would have gone to the “Supernatural” Convention that’s a mere 87 miles away just for that back. I wish I was a putty-faced wildfire who got to this part on “SPN.” And I’m…yeah, sorry.

Even though I’m ready to build shrines to the SexyBack of Padalecki, there is nothing beautiful about this tryst, despite the roaring fire and passion involved. It’s ANGRYGRIEFSex. Sam is in such an ugly state that this is just another kind of release like drinking or fighting or screaming, just with orgasms, hopefully. I know the Samgirls are camped outside of Erik Kripke’s office with torches in a protest against necrophilia or rape, but this is where I would point out that it’s a fictional, and it’s really not that serious. But I don’t think Dean would buy that. We flash to Dean’s horrified face, because remember, Sammy is telling Dean this story in vivid detail. “Um, Sam? Too much information!” He hisses, horrified. “I told you I was coming clean,” Sam says. “Yeah, but now I feel dirty,” Dean shoots back and starts drinking. “So far all you’ve told me about is a manipulative bitch who screwed you, played mind games with you, and did everything in the book to get you to go bad,” he summarizes. Sam promises that he’s not finished with the story. Dean leans forward, still scarred “skip the nudity, please.” “Pretty soon after…that, we put together some signs, omens. Lilith was in town, and I wanted to strike her first.”

Five Months Earlier. Shack of Sin. Sammy’s zips up his fugly brown jacket thing as Ruby tells him he isn’t ready to face Lilith. Sam isn’t listening, because he is trigger-happy and ready to attack. Happy. He’s downright giddy. This is can't end well. Ruby points out that Sam hasn’t been “too successful” with his training (maybe because she sucks as a teacher), but he says that he’ll use The Knife if he needs to. It’s simple. Ruby snatches Sam’s wrist and demands, “stop! You can’t just fly in there reckless, Sam. We need you to take the bitch out.” Sam is overly confident that he will. “You get one shot, and that’s it. You’re the only one who can do it Sam, so if she kills you first…” Sam tears his eyes away. When he looks at her again, there is no fear, no hesitation. “You don’t want to survive this. It’s a kamakaze attack, you want to die fighting Lilith,” Ruby understands now. “That’s stupid!” Sam scoffs, but he’s walking away again, and Ruby is right behind him. “No, it’s the truth, because if you kill her and you survive this, you have to go on without your brother!” Ruby, who barely comes up to Jared’s shoulders, has to run to get in front of him, to get through to him. “This isn’t what Dean would have wanted! This isn’t what he died for!” She throws herself against the door in an effort to stop Deathwish Sammy. “Get out of my way!” Sam fumes, quiet. His jaw is set and he barely controls the rage and the desperation that resides just beneath the surface. “No, Sam, this is suicide!” Sammy explodes, and slams Ruby into a wall, The Knife at her throat. The creepily, wild expression on his face shows us all that he will kill her if he has to. Because the ANGRYGRIEFSex wasn't about love and it didn't fix anything. He opens the door, knife still at her throat and leaves. And that’s her big speech? Please tell me there’s more, because she didn’t starfishing him to get him to stop or tell him how awful death really is. There HAS to be more.

Normal suburb. Sammy walks alone down a street filled with regular people living normal, danger-free lives. Sammy seems so out of place. He searches for something and finds it in through the window of a beautiful home with pink flowering plants hanging from the window: a little girl, sitting motionless at a table that is covered in desserts and candy. The set-up is eerily similar to Lilith’s infamous shore leave in “No Rest For The Wicked.” Deathwish Sammy makes his move. Stupidly, he enters the house through the front door with The Knife at the ready. He clears the front closet before venturing further. The house is dark and silent. There are no guards or dead bodies in foyer. He inches towards the dining room and finds the girl in a blue dress with white bow at the back sitting in a gorgeous black and white upholstered chair. She’s Alice in Demonland. He inches forward with The Knife above his head, ready to dispatch a 12-year-old girl possessed by a demon or die trying. For one horrible minute, I actually think “Supernatural” was going to go THERE. Having Sam kill a child, possessed or otherwise, would be 73 times worse than human-demon sex. Suddenly, she turns around, and sobs, “please I wanna go home!” Shit. It’s a set-up. I think I realized that before Sam does, because a motherfuckin’ giant knocks The Knife out of Sam’s hand another demon henchman materializes. I guess the economy is better in hell than topside, because Lilith has a ton of employees. You think they get a 401k? The leader shoves Sam against the wall. “Lilith sends her regrets. She couldn’t make it!” He laughs with his gravelly voice. Crap. Sammy is trapped. And this time, there is no one to come save him. He’s alone, unarmed and outmanned. He eyes The Knife that he can’t reach, terrified now that death is a certainty. I don’t know why he doesn’t try to exorcise the demons. I also don’t know why these guys aren’t bludgeoning the life out of that wretched Sammy Winchester, who’s probably exorcised most of their friends. While they waste preicious ass-kicking time, a feminine hand scoops up The Knife. Surprise! It’s Ruby! She dispatches one of the lesser henchman with a grand slice of his throat. Tiny Ruby pulls the other guy off of Sam, and commands that he save the girl. Sammy does just that, leaving Ruby to fight a man bigger than Sam. She goes in for kill, but the leader blocks it and holds onto her tiny little wrist. Ruby punches him twice across the face, but that has absolutely no effect on him. He easily disarms by breaking her arm and then flings her into a wall, lifting her off her feet by her neck. There is no special effect needed, because this ox of a man is THAT strong. “Ruby, you’re in so much trouble!” He seethes. He heckles her so more, until he gags and coughs to the side. That’s weird. Ruby frowns until she sees Sam behind him, hand outstretched, thinking real hard. Sammy’s face bends into that almost-evil expression as he rides out the pain that causes a nosebleed, and expels the demon almost instantly. “Thanks.” He says, and finally Deathwish Sammy is no longer.

Back to the Future. “Whatever you have to say, she saved me. More than that, she got through to me. What she said to me, it’s what you would have said. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here.” As Sammy shares this, the camera moves in tight on Dean’s battered face as he understands why Sam trusts Ruby with their lives. He doesn’t need to hear anything else, that’s more than enough. While I agree it was noble that Ruby came back for Sam, I think that defining moment in their relationship should have been much more dramatic and dire to drive the point home, because I completely missed the first time I watched it. Sam has been in the very same position hundreds of times and always survived. Ruby has been swoopin’ in to save the fine Winchester asses since last season, so for a dramawhore like myself, it doesn’t feel as big as it should. Maybe it would have if those demons had done their job and kicked Sammy’s arse. Dean doesn’t have to agree with my awesome insight or compliment my beauty, because housekeeping knocks on the door. RATS! Dean tries to get rid of her, but she insists that she has clean towels. He gets up to open the door, and a large black woman on the other side (Media Studies Kira is rolling her eyes!). She pushes the towels in Dean’s arms, closes the curtains and stalks right over to Sam, handing him a piece of paper. “I’m at this address.” She tells him. That’s RUBY! She really is burning through bodies, isn’t she? Sammy’s slow on the uptake. “Go now. Go through the bathroom window, don’t stop, don’t take your car, don’t pass go. There are demons in the hall and in the parking lot,” She rattles off. Finally, Sam understands, and makes an adorably shocked face once he figures it out. “So, I’m possessing this maid for a hot minute!” She sasses. Jane Doe’s body is “slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna.” Dean grimaces in disgust as he probably realizes that Sam bumped uglies with a dead chick. Again.

The cabin Ruby stashed Cherry is more of a boathouse or a barn. It’s constructed of bare wood and no insulation with high open ceilings. Cherry promises the boys she’s okay, and then tells that that Ruby “isn’t like other demons. She saved my life.” “I hear she does that,” Dean smiles at Cherry and then pointedly looks at Ruby. “I guess I…ugh…ya know,” Ruby waits, arms folded, as Dean fumbles over an apology. “I guess I owe you…for Sam…I just wanted…ya know.” “Don’t strain yourself,” Ruby snarks, lifting an eyebrow. But I think Dean just pulled every emotional muscle he has. “Is the moment over? Because that was awkward.” Sam smiles at them fondly. Aww! Then they chanage into matching leather outfits and sing, “We Are Family!” Who know that Dean Winchester could tapdance?!

Cherry interrupts the bonding to ask if she can call her parents. Sam and Dean exchange loaded looks. Sam lets out a weary sigh as he sits down beside her. She searches his face. Poor Sammy has just relived visceral aftermath of his brother’s death, and has lost everyone he’s cared about, so can’t even say the words just, “I’m sorry.” Cherry collapses into sobs and rocks back and forth as Dean looks away, feeling it too. Sammy lays his giant hand on her back as she cries. He looks so much older now and a little colder than the Post-Dean’s Death Sam Winchester I knew and loved. He's forever changed. “Why is this happening to me?!” Cherry sobs. “I don’t know,” he answers. Anna continues to cry, head in her ands, until she shoots up, mouth parted, hands frozen on either side of her head, listening. “They’re coming!” She ominously announces. The lights flicker and Sammy hustles Cherry into back room as Dean goes for the weapons. Um…she can her angels, y’all, not demons. Ruby should be scared, but you should be relieved. Sam returns and Dean hands him his trusty sawed-off and Ruby rifles through the gun bag, searching for The Knife. “Where The Knife?” Ruby can’t believe they lost The Knife even though it doesn’t matter because THE ANGELS ARE COMING! NOT DEMONS. Even though Jensen and Jared are only 87 miles away, they still can’t hear me! “Hey, don’t look at me!” Dean yells. “Thanks a lot!” Sammy shots back. Aww, they’re being cute in the face of danger! Dean offers him one of his amazing fake smiles as Ruby berates them for losing the knife even though it DOESN’T MATTER! The wind mounts and the door to the cabin shakes and shutters until it blows off its hinges much like it did when Alastair arrived. Sam, Dean and Ruby wait at the ready, guns blazing. There’s a familiar flapping of wings and then Castiel and Uriel strut into the cabin. Ruby’s putty face melds in fear and her eyes flip beetle black. Angels, prepare to smite! Relieved, Dean hopes the angels are here to protect Cherry, because they’ve “been having demon issues all day.” Uriel nearly snarls at Ruby, “I see that. You want to explain why you have that stain in the room?” Uriel demands. But Castiel doesn’t give them a chance, “We’re here for Anna,” he says, stoically. The Brothers Winchester want to know if they will help her. Castiel proclaims, “She has to die.” Um, crap!

87 miles. God, I’m a fucking dumbass.


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